The INFP’s Secret to Happiness: Nostalgia

Fulfillment is a Feeling

Nostalgia is a function of feeling not introverted sensing

Of all the MBTI types I argue that the INFP is the most nostalgic. I frequently hear introverted sensing being described as the memory function and hence the nostalgic function. However, in my experience I haven’t found ISTJs who lead with Si to be that nostalgic. I don’t see ISTJs saving all their childhood things or enjoying photo albums, or binging old movies, TV shows, and video games as much as INFPs. After contemplating my own nostalgia and the functions involved, it’s clear to me that nostalgia is the fusion of memory and feeling. Both vivid memory and feeling are required to experience nostalgia, but ultimately nostalgia is a function of feeling, and feeling types have the advantage in the realm of nostalgia.

We too often reduce introverted sensing to the ubiquitous notion of memory which is ridiculous considering memory is such an essential aspect of basic human function. Isolated introverted sensing is more about routines, persistence, loyalty, duty, and stability. Yes, it’s rooted in the memory, cataloging, and organization of memory but it is not just memory. The key to Si is the value it places on memory and how it mines that memory for practical success. Nostalgia on the other hand is when a person has a vivid memory of past pleasant feelings that are triggered by one’s current sensory experience or recalled at will. What’s essential to nostalgia is the memory of the feeling which Si (hypothetically in a vacuum) isn’t tracking. Si wants the concrete memory not the mushy subjective feeling. The memory of the sensory experience alone won’t trigger nostalgia, hence Si thinkers aren’t known for sappy dreamy nostalgia. It’s the feelers, and INFPs in particular, that have this superpower.

Everyone is Nostalgic but INFPs are the Masters

Now of course everyone experiences nostalgia. I’m not saying people with low feeling functions are incapable of nostalgia. When speaking in terms of type it’s always about degrees, rankings, frequency, and comfortability. That being stated I think us INFPs who lead with Fi combined with our tertiary Si have a proclivity to experience and enjoy nostalgia much more intensely than other types. We are very in touch with how we feel both past and present. We also have childlike Si that enjoys the cataloging and organizing of memories which teams up with Fi that catalogs and organizes feelings. The childlike aspect of tertiary Si is important because while an ISTJ uses their lead Si to catalog and organize memories for important career aspirations, routines, and life goals the INFP’s tertiary Si applies that to childlike comforts. Now one might say “what about ISFPs?”, they lead with Fi as well so aren’t they nostalgic? I contend ISFPs have a lesser inclination to nostalgia because their parent Se prefers being in the moment and not the past. So an ISFPs feelings are more grounded in the present.

I think ISFJs and ESFJs who are extroverted feelers with Si also have a proclivity to nostalgia but their brand of nostalgia is more focused on people and social events than on things and media. This is primarily due to the way extroverted feeling (Fe) operates. High Fe users enjoy social activities and people. They put a premium on the social feeling over the personal intrinsic feeling. They experience more of a hive feeling so when combined with Si they will be nostalgic for the memories of interactions with people and the vibes of the holiday party. On the surface this is the same as Fi/Si nostalgia, but that Christmas ornament may remind an INFP of the feeling of getting a special toy, peacefulness, or the stability of a period in their life, while an xSFJ will look at an ornament and be reminded of the people and conversations and joy they experienced. It’s nuanced but I think xSFJ Fe nostalgia is more limited to people while INFP Fi nostalgia is more expansive, encompassing people, things, and alone time. I’ll also give the caveat that ISTJs leading with Si combined with their childlike tertiary Fi can work similarly to the INFPs nostalgic experience but lead Fi is still going to feel things deeper than the more shallow and childlike tertiary Fi of an ISTJ. Also, the ISTJ’s lead Si is very mature and stoic so it will reign in the seemingly purposelessness of nostalgia while the INFP’s lead Fi will indulge in it.

Nostalgia is an INFP’s Report Card on Life

This brings me finally to the importance of nostalgia and how it actually is a healthy and practical way of processing feelings and experiences. As an INFP my approach to life revolves around turning as many past moments as possible into a warm blanket of nostalgia. My ability to turn a period of my life into a nostalgic memory is how I grade my life. Nostalgia is my internal scorecard and ledger of a life well lived. I consciously attempt to turn bad memories and experiences into positive memories. This is not some form of denial or suppression. The Pixar movie “Inside Out” has a great example of how this is done in a healthy positive way. (spoiler alert) The climax of “Inside Out” hinges on how Sadness shows Riley that allowing herself to experience sadness leads to the comfort of her family and community. The sad memory of her expressing grief after missing the winning shot and losing the hockey championship led her to have a happy memory of her family and teammates loving her unconditionally and rallying around her. That superficial negative experience of losing a hockey championship provided an opportunity to experience a deeper positive connection with family and friends. She is then able to apply the memory to her current situation of feeling alone after moving to San Francisco. She expresses her grief of losing her home and friends in Minnesota to her parents and they rally around her and help her. This is what I mean by turning bad memories into nostalgic positive ones. It’s an exercise in finding the positive lessons and joy in every memory. It’s understanding that even painful memories frequently lead to good things and help us appreciate all our experiences on a deeper level.

For me a nostalgic memory is a processed memory. A painful memory is an unprocessed memory. My goal is that in my old age, in the final years of my life, I’ll be able to look back fondly on each period of my life and see the beauty that came out of even the painful moments. This is not painting the past with rose colored glasses or being out of touch with reality, instead this is a mature and sophisticated way introverted feeling acknowledges historic reality and makes sense of its collective lifetime of memories. Introverted feeling’s superpower is processing past feelings and understanding the purpose behind them. The processing of our feelings creates nostalgia and it’s an INFP’s secret to happiness and a fulfilled life. Fulfillment is ultimately a feeling and nostalgia is the key to that feeling.

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